guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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