Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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