In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
