i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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