garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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