he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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