oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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