I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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