Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
