mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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