He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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