I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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