I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
