I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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