So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
