haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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