I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize