btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
