): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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