Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
