I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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