There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
