Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It was like getting head from an anaconda
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
