I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
