you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
