If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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