you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
