i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
