I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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