Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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