when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
