she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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