Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think I am morally bankrupt
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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