my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
