just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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