for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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