whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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