The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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