last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
