quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
