So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
