I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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