I will die if light touches me.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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