Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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