Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
