did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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