actually, I'm a sock model
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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