Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The feeling are messing with the penis
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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