Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
