It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
