About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
