I love black thongs
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
