Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
