I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Send help, water and tortillas.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
