She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
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