im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
