My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
