This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
