Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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