I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
