on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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