Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
