I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
