When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just found puke in my bra..
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
