Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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