i was born a porn star she said
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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