Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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