Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
