Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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