yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
