Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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