You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
