She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize