dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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