Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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