My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
