Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize