Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
