oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
